Jokes from the financial crisis

Even more

2008-12-29T17:13:00.000-02:00

Out of Money

2008-12-29T17:11:00.001-02:00

Streets

2008-12-29T17:10:00.000-02:00

Bailout Plan

2008-12-29T17:09:00.000-02:00

Logos

2008-12-23T15:09:00.002-02:00

US Economy

2008-12-23T09:07:00.001-02:00

Mexican US

2008-12-22T17:32:00.000-02:00

The Paulson Bailout Plan

2008-12-22T17:30:00.000-02:00

The Rescue Plan

2008-12-10T09:01:00.000-02:00

Financial Advice

2008-12-09T12:10:00.002-02:00

Looking at this crisis in 25 years

2008-11-13T11:42:00.002-02:00

Parent to child in 2030: “Well, little Timmy, back when I was just out of college in 2008/2009, I worked in what was called the stock market. That was where ownership in companies was traded daily. There were things called shares..and everybody owned them and traded them. It was a very fun and lucrative career until the Dow went to zero and we all went to work for the government”.

A normal day at the most important financial institution

2008-10-25T23:21:00.000-02:00

Capitalism

2008-10-25T12:37:00.000-02:00

Crisis faces

2008-10-20T15:43:00.001-02:00

For see more of this, folow the link

Financial Dictionary

2008-10-18T15:06:00.002-03:00

CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER — What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.

Lehman employees protesting

2008-10-17T17:15:00.002-03:00

Lehman Bank employees stage a protest by blockading the entrance to the Bank's Headquarters!

This market stinks so bad...

2008-10-17T11:35:00.001-03:00

• This shipping market is so bad...that the only guys taking ships are the Somalians

• This market stinks so bad …that on my drive home yesterday there was a guy at an intersection with a sign that read, “Will manage your money for food”.

• This market stinks so bad...that my broker recommended only 2 positions, Cash and Fetal

• This market stinks so bad...that it makes lawyers smell clean!

• This market stinks so bad...that it makes putting money on a Texans win look like a solid investment

• This market stinks so bad...that I am advising my mother-in-law to put more money in!

• This market stinks so bad...that I can finally afford that divorce. She/he will get what I’ve always wanted her/him to get - half of nothing!

• This market stinks so bad...that even President Bush has heard about it."

• This market stinks so bad…that I’ve picked the bottom so much, my fingers are starting to stink

• This market sucks so bad…that it’s not even funny anymore

• This market stinks so bad…that my dartboard got taken away in a margin call

• This market stinks so bad…that I wish CFA stood for Certified Flight Attendant

• This market stinks so bad…that I wish I would have tried harder in my freshman chemistry class

• This market stinks so bad…that I’m thinking about getting my real estate brokerage license

• This market stinks so bad…that I would rather be this guy! link

Let s fly with me...

2008-10-16T20:33:00.002-03:00

Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling and Peter Mandelson are flying to a world economic summit. Peter looks at Alistair and chuckles: 'You know, I could throw a £50 note out of the window right now and make one person very happy.' Alistair shrugs his shoulders and says: 'Well, I could throw five £10 notes out of the window and make five people very happy.' Gordon says: 'Of course, but I could throw ten £5 notes out of the window and make ten people very happy.' The pilot rolls his eyes, looks at all of them, and says: 'I could throw all of you out of the window and make the whole country happy.'

Images from the crisis

2008-10-16T20:30:00.009-03:00

Katie Price Vs. Merchant Bank

2008-10-16T20:28:00.005-03:00

Q: What's the difference between a merchant bank and Katie Price?

A: Both are institutions whose reputation is built on assets that, on closer inspection, turn out to be entirely artificial, vastly over-inflated and in danger of going through the floor at any moment. But at least Katie Price is still worth something.

How to Start a Small Business

2008-10-16T20:27:00.002-03:00

A man went to his bank manager and said: 'I'd like to start a small business. How do I go about it?' 'Simple,' said the bank manager. 'Buy a big one and wait.'

Becoming rich in times of crisis

2008-10-16T20:25:00.002-03:00

A young man asked an elderly rich man how he made his money. 'Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last penny, so I invested that penny in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold that apple for ten pennies. 'The next morning I bought two apples, spent the day polishing them and sold them for 20 pennies. I continued this for a month, by which time I'd accumulated a fortune of £1.37. 'Then my wife's father died and left us £2 million.'

Video 2

2008-10-16T17:24:00.001-03:00

Video 1

2008-10-16T17:22:00.001-03:00

The Olympics and Wall Street

2008-10-16T17:21:00.003-03:00

Q: What is the one thing Wall Street and the Olympics have in common?

A: Synchronised diving

Dictionary

2008-10-16T17:21:00.002-03:00

Entries from a new financial dictionary:

Broker: What my stock adviser has made me

Standard & poor: Your life in a nutshell

Cash flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet

Interbank Lending

2008-10-16T17:20:00.003-03:00

Masked man holding a bank cashier up with a gun. Says: 'I don't want any money - I just want you to start lending to each other...

Money talks

2008-10-16T17:20:00.001-03:00

Money talks. Trouble is, mine only knows one word - goodbye.

Insufficient Funds

2008-10-16T17:19:00.000-03:00

I had a cheque returned earlier.

"Insufficient Funds" Mine or the banks?

What s the difference ...

2008-10-16T17:18:00.005-03:00

What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

MBA s

2008-10-16T17:18:00.004-03:00

Q: Why are all MBAs going back to school?

A: To ask for their money back.

What do you call ...

2008-10-16T17:17:00.001-03:00

What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start

Drink heavily and recycle!!!

2008-10-16T17:16:00.001-03:00

Equally weighted $1000/stock purchase last year of AIG, Lehman, Fannie and Freddie would leave you today with about $55. Mere $1000 investment in beer at same point would have left you with something like $200 from return deposits/recycling. Moral of story – Screw stock market, drink heavily and recycle!!!

Divorce

2008-10-16T17:10:00.000-03:00

"THIS IS WORSE THAN A DIVORCE. I'VE LOST HALF MY NET WORTH AND I STILL HAVE A WIFE"

Optimism

2008-10-16T17:08:00.000-03:00

How do you define optimism?

A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday