Monday, December 29, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Looking at this crisis in 25 years
Parent to child in 2030: “Well, little Timmy, back when I was just out of college in 2008/2009, I worked in what was called the stock market. That was where ownership in companies was traded daily. There were things called shares..and everybody owned them and traded them. It was a very fun and lucrative career until the Dow went to zero and we all went to work for the government”.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Financial Dictionary
CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER — What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Lehman employees protesting
Lehman Bank employees stage a protest by blockading the entrance to the Bank's Headquarters!
This market stinks so bad...
• This shipping market is so bad...that the only guys taking ships are the Somalians
• This market stinks so bad …that on my drive home yesterday there was a guy at an intersection with a sign that read, “Will manage your money for food”.
• This market stinks so bad...that my broker recommended only 2 positions, Cash and Fetal
• This market stinks so bad...that it makes lawyers smell clean!
• This market stinks so bad...that it makes putting money on a Texans win look like a solid investment
• This market stinks so bad...that I am advising my mother-in-law to put more money in!
• This market stinks so bad...that I can finally afford that divorce. She/he will get what I’ve always wanted her/him to get - half of nothing!
• This market stinks so bad...that even President Bush has heard about it."
• This market stinks so bad…that I’ve picked the bottom so much, my fingers are starting to stink
• This market sucks so bad…that it’s not even funny anymore
• This market stinks so bad…that my dartboard got taken away in a margin call
• This market stinks so bad…that I wish CFA stood for Certified Flight Attendant
• This market stinks so bad…that I wish I would have tried harder in my freshman chemistry class
• This market stinks so bad…that I’m thinking about getting my real estate brokerage license
• This market stinks so bad…that I would rather be this guy! link
• This market stinks so bad …that on my drive home yesterday there was a guy at an intersection with a sign that read, “Will manage your money for food”.
• This market stinks so bad...that my broker recommended only 2 positions, Cash and Fetal
• This market stinks so bad...that it makes lawyers smell clean!
• This market stinks so bad...that it makes putting money on a Texans win look like a solid investment
• This market stinks so bad...that I am advising my mother-in-law to put more money in!
• This market stinks so bad...that I can finally afford that divorce. She/he will get what I’ve always wanted her/him to get - half of nothing!
• This market stinks so bad...that even President Bush has heard about it."
• This market stinks so bad…that I’ve picked the bottom so much, my fingers are starting to stink
• This market sucks so bad…that it’s not even funny anymore
• This market stinks so bad…that my dartboard got taken away in a margin call
• This market stinks so bad…that I wish CFA stood for Certified Flight Attendant
• This market stinks so bad…that I wish I would have tried harder in my freshman chemistry class
• This market stinks so bad…that I’m thinking about getting my real estate brokerage license
• This market stinks so bad…that I would rather be this guy! link
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Let s fly with me...
Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling and Peter Mandelson are flying to a world economic summit. Peter looks at Alistair and chuckles: 'You know, I could throw a £50 note out of the window right now and make one person very happy.' Alistair shrugs his shoulders and says: 'Well, I could throw five £10 notes out of the window and make five people very happy.' Gordon says: 'Of course, but I could throw ten £5 notes out of the window and make ten people very happy.' The pilot rolls his eyes, looks at all of them, and says: 'I could throw all of you out of the window and make the whole country happy.'
Katie Price Vs. Merchant Bank
Q: What's the difference between a merchant bank and Katie Price?
A: Both are institutions whose reputation is built on assets that, on closer inspection, turn out to be entirely artificial, vastly over-inflated and in danger of going through the floor at any moment. But at least Katie Price is still worth something.
A: Both are institutions whose reputation is built on assets that, on closer inspection, turn out to be entirely artificial, vastly over-inflated and in danger of going through the floor at any moment. But at least Katie Price is still worth something.
How to Start a Small Business
A man went to his bank manager and said: 'I'd like to start a small business. How do I go about it?' 'Simple,' said the bank manager. 'Buy a big one and wait.'
Becoming rich in times of crisis
A young man asked an elderly rich man how he made his money. 'Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last penny, so I invested that penny in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold that apple for ten pennies. 'The next morning I bought two apples, spent the day polishing them and sold them for 20 pennies. I continued this for a month, by which time I'd accumulated a fortune of £1.37. 'Then my wife's father died and left us £2 million.'
The Olympics and Wall Street
Q: What is the one thing Wall Street and the Olympics have in common?
A: Synchronised diving
A: Synchronised diving
Dictionary
Entries from a new financial dictionary:
Broker: What my stock adviser has made me
Standard & poor: Your life in a nutshell
Cash flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet
Broker: What my stock adviser has made me
Standard & poor: Your life in a nutshell
Cash flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet
Interbank Lending
Masked man holding a bank cashier up with a gun. Says: 'I don't want any money - I just want you to start lending to each other...
What s the difference ...
What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
What do you call ...
What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start
A good start
Drink heavily and recycle!!!
Equally weighted $1000/stock purchase last year of AIG, Lehman, Fannie and Freddie would leave you today with about $55. Mere $1000 investment in beer at same point would have left you with something like $200 from return deposits/recycling. Moral of story – Screw stock market, drink heavily and recycle!!!