Monday, December 29, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER — What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.
Friday, October 17, 2008
• This market stinks so bad …that on my drive home yesterday there was a guy at an intersection with a sign that read, “Will manage your money for food”.
• This market stinks so bad...that my broker recommended only 2 positions, Cash and Fetal
• This market stinks so bad...that it makes lawyers smell clean!
• This market stinks so bad...that it makes putting money on a Texans win look like a solid investment
• This market stinks so bad...that I am advising my mother-in-law to put more money in!
• This market stinks so bad...that I can finally afford that divorce. She/he will get what I’ve always wanted her/him to get - half of nothing!
• This market stinks so bad...that even President Bush has heard about it."
• This market stinks so bad…that I’ve picked the bottom so much, my fingers are starting to stink
• This market sucks so bad…that it’s not even funny anymore
• This market stinks so bad…that my dartboard got taken away in a margin call
• This market stinks so bad…that I wish CFA stood for Certified Flight Attendant
• This market stinks so bad…that I wish I would have tried harder in my freshman chemistry class
• This market stinks so bad…that I’m thinking about getting my real estate brokerage license
• This market stinks so bad…that I would rather be this guy! link
Thursday, October 16, 2008
A: Both are institutions whose reputation is built on assets that, on closer inspection, turn out to be entirely artificial, vastly over-inflated and in danger of going through the floor at any moment. But at least Katie Price is still worth something.
A: Synchronised diving
Broker: What my stock adviser has made me
Standard & poor: Your life in a nutshell
Cash flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet
"Insufficient Funds" Mine or the banks?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
A: To ask for their money back.
A good start
A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday